fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
