yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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