It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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