I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i think my cat just said my name.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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