I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my poor anus
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
