I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
