Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
