Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
