I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
