Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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