Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize