Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this is an emotional support booty call
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
