i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
