And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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