I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
