he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
