You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
