My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
