i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
