So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
