After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He felt like a one man threesome
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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