He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
