I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
