am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
