JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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