so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
