I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
