i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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