there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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