Dude my mom stole all your condoms
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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