It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize