if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
