the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
