i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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