Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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