i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
