I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
