Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
