So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
