I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
