Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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