saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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