My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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