i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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