i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
