I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
