You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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