getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
