she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
