You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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