Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
