I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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