boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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