I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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