But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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