I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
