i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
