my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
