I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
