the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
