is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
