I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
