so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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