found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
