It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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