Where is the hickey?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize