why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
