Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize